It has taken a lifetime to understand how easily I can secretly wish for things to change, and in my secrecy prevent true change from happening. For example, I loved a friend for many years who was unable to listen or be kind or patient, and rather than feeling just how much that hurt, I always “hung in there,” secretly believing that he would change and grow and one day emerge before my eyes as the friend I always believed he could be.
Well, that didn’t happen. I am not saying that change is not possible, but more deeply, that true change, the kind that is self initiated and lasting, has more chance of happening in a relationship that doesn’t hide its shortcomings.
As long as I could dream of my friend as I wanted him to be, it softened the true pain of how we were actually living. Without such truth, neither of us could grow – not he, for having to face the effect of his self-centeredness, and not me, for having to risk saying what I needed.
“I highly recommend buying a physical copy of this book, “The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo. I’ve started everyday with this book, for the past 5 years after a friend gave me a copy.”-Asila
